GBlog

Herr G. sandte mir heute Two-Cows-Witze zu - Was von unserer Freudin aus Edinburgh.

Gut fand ich diese:

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

Interessant ist, wie die beiden Kühe zu unterschiedlichen Zeiten mit unterschiedlichen politischen Stoßrichtungen und to illustrate the concept of cultural differences verwendet wurden [en.wikipedia] :
"You have two cows" jokes originated as a parody of the typical examples used in introductory-level economics course material. They featured a farmer in a moneyless society who uses the cattle he owns to trade with his neighbors. A typical example is: "You have two cows; you want chickens; you set out to find another farmer who has chickens and wants a cow". These examples were meant to show the limitations of the barter system, leading to the eventual introduction of currency and money...

An article in The Modern Language Journal (1944) discusses the classical jokes of this type, die in den USA seit Mitte der 30er Jahre kursierten, such as:

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
Communism: You have two cows. You give them to the Government, and the Government then gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. You give them to the Government, and the Government then sells you some milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Nazism: You have two cows. The Government shoots you and takes the cows.
New Dealism: You have two cows. The Government takes both, shoots one, buys milk from the other cow, then pours the milk down the drain

Das simple Muster kann immer wieder - in unterschiedlichen Kontexten - akutalisiert und zugespitzt werden; bei der Freudin aus Edinburgh sieht das dann so aus:

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none. No one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

... Eine interessante Mischung aus bornierten Stereotypen und kritischen Untertönen ...

Versuch einer weiteren Aktualisierung:

MERKELIANISM:
You have two cows. You give them to the Government, the Government gives them to a globally acting food company (s. o. VENTURE CAPITALISM) and tells you to work for them in a low-wage-part-time-job. You do as you are told and feel good because you get cheap milk from Aldi and live in one of the richest countries of the world. You think you're better off than the Greek cow owner (s. o. A GREEK CORPORATION) and in the forthcoming elections you'll vote for Merkel and Steinbrück! Or you don't vote at all but strongly sympathize with the National Cow Owners Front ("Give us back our german cows"; s. o. Fascism) ...
oder so ähnlich: mein Englisch reicht nicht für Feinheiten ...